LIVED EXPERIENCES | Friendship Bench

LIVED EXPERIENCES | Friendship Bench

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LIVED EXPERIENCES

Friendship Bench proudly partnered with The Human Aspect (THA) to capture impactful stories of lived experiences from Zimbabwe.

We are integrating these stories and other resources from the THA Life Experience Library into existing Friendship Bench services and activities.

The video interviews and material will be part of delivery agent training, awareness campaigns, peer support groups, and one-to-one sessions. Also, the stories could be used as a self-help tool, independent of the general Friendship Bench services.

This collaboration will allow us to support even more people in starting vulnerable conversations and facilitate their healing journey to move beyond stigma and silence.

Shebah

Shebah

Koshuwai

Koshuwai

Yamikani

Yamikani

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Shebah

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12. Constantine - Full Interview

52:59

12. Constantine - Full Interview

I felt that no matter how hard I tried, my family didn't understand or accept me for who I was. Growing up, my father disciplined me so harshly that I lost my voice in expressing myself. I lost my mother at 5, then my father at 11, and 2 years later, I lost my closest caretaker, my dear auntie. I was in a household with 12 children and no adults to care for us. I tried to escape my grief through drinking, and since I had given up succeeding at school, I completely lost faith in myself. The next decade I ended up in a cycle of trying to fit in just to feel some acceptance. Ultimately, I felt completely lost and on autopilot, without knowing who I was. See how I realized during my time at University that I had to change my environment and start living by my values. The church community allowed me to be invisible in the larger crowd and feel seen in the sub-groups all at once. Learn how this support and my wife's belief in me empowered me to pursue my dream of becoming a graphic designer and photographer. Once aligned with my purpose and calling, I realized I needed to face my trauma through counseling. This mentally enabled me to accept myself and finally let go of my dependence on others' acceptance. This is my story.

14. Rachel - Full Interview

42:33

14. Rachel - Full Interview

I felt I was always alone and excluded by my peers during my college years. Growing up, I was more expressive and artistic than my peers, and I felt more and more alienated moving into my teens. I tried to find friends actively, but when the exclusion grew, my emotions were suppressed, and I felt numb. I isolated myself more and more until I felt there was no reason to continue. See how a summer scholarship in Chinese helped me to come out of my isolation and loneliness. Going to China and seeing a larger world allowed my perspective to grow. Learn how I started to express myself even more creatively and how this helped me vent my emotions and connect with people that valued my talents. Finding my “tribe” of other creatives and seeking spaces that allow me to be who I am helped me accept myself and heal my self-worth. Today I am using my creative talents to challenge and push my society forward in embracing more diversity. This is my story.

Self-Image

Learn more about Self-Image

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15. Yamikani - Full Interview

49:42

15. Yamikani - Full Interview

I felt that no matter what I did, I failed to fit in and that my environment resented who I was. Moving back to Zimbabwe after growing up in the US, where my father raised us to become independent and strong women, was challenging. I was excluded by my peers at school, and I felt very lonely without friends. That resulted in suppressing my emotions and delving into performance as my value in life. As an adult, I jumped into failed relationships before I ended up in a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship. Driven by my subconscious wish to succeed in the eyes of my society, I pushed further into it while losing myself bit by bit until I could not recognize myself anymore. See how I reached a point where I couldn’t continue, and I decided to break out of the relationship. This allowed me to look at myself and face my deeper trauma. Learn how I found a community to share my emotions and how this allowed me to find strength in my vulnerability. I focused on developing myself; with it, I realigned the different parts of my identity and lived experiences. Since larger parts of my career and life were spent supporting others as a mental health professional, I now could utilize all my knowledge to strive in my journey. This allowed me to grow even further as a professional and use my lived experience in my work. This is my story.

9. Maud - Full Interview

53:36

9. Maud - Full Interview

I felt betrayed and disrespected by my husband, who was cheating on me, but I did not know how to handle it. I tried to share it with my loved ones, but they struggled to believe me due to the circumstances. I felt humiliated if it came out and was scared of what would happen to my family and children. The affair continued, and the distance between us grew with it to the point where I lost myself, and I felt it would have been easier if I had left this world. See how I found some “Gogo’s” (Grandmothers) that were speaking about depression and the symptoms of stress when I went to the clinic for a sore throat. When they explained the confidentiality and process of their free counseling, I dared to open up completely about my situation. Learn how this allowed me to lighten the burden and, together with my Gogo, find a way to get support within the family to face my husband. With that support, I managed to stand up for myself, and I decided to stay and work on our marriage together with him, but now as a more independent woman. This is my story.

1. Farai from Zimbabwe - Full Interview

26:47

1. Farai from Zimbabwe - Full Interview

The shame and degradation I was filled with hit me in my core, and I felt completely worthless. Growing up, I was an empowered young woman with dreams and ambitions of becoming someone in life. Those dreams and aspirations were shattered when I had a child at a young age. I found a new husband and got another child, but when I thought life was good, he started emotionally abusing me through unfaithfulness and misuse of power. I felt I had placed shame on my family and myself yet again, and my self-worth completely vanished to the point where I tried to commit suicide several times. See how I found a way to open up and lighten my burden through free counseling with the “GoGo’s” at Friendship Bench, an organization for mental health. I started their peer support group and found a community where we supported each other through our struggles. Learn how we also helped each other to create small businesses that allowed us to become more independent. This helped me to ensure that I was not dependent on any husband or man, so I could provide for my children and myself. This is my story.

Relationships

Learn more about Relationships

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8. Koshuwai - Full interview

36:17

8. Koshuwai - Full interview

I felt powerless when the doctors said there was nothing they could do for my wife. In our chase to find the best care for her, we moved away from our children to live close to a hospital that offered the right level of care. After her stroke, I had to step up and take the role of caretaker, which challenged my ability to work and support us. My emotions kept bottling up, but to manage the overwhelming challenge ahead, I suppressed them and battled on. Eventually, the hopelessness and depressive thoughts started taking over my mind, draining my energy. See how I found strength and inspiration in how my father cared for my mother to show the same level of care for my wife. This helped me settle into the role of caretaker despite the stigma in my environment. Learn how opening up to my brother allowed me to express the suppressed feelings I was carrying. Combined with prioritizing time to recharge through activities and socializing with friends, I managed to keep a clear heart to continue caring for my wife and have the energy to work to support us. This is my story.

13. André-Jesse - Full Interview

41:53

13. André-Jesse - Full Interview

I felt like a complete burden on everyone around me, and I had turned into my bully. After a severe childhood accident, I lost my identity as an active and positive child. Realizing my limp years later and facing several limits to what I could do, my anger and self-hate grew by the day as a teenager. I isolated myself in shame, and the darkness of loneliness pulled me down to the point where I felt the world would be better off without the burden I felt I was. See how I seeked counseling through my school, where I first experienced the power of sharing. This allowed me to explore deeper self-development, and I accepted my injury and a new identity. I discovered new ways to express myself through movement and arts that helped me reconnect with my emotions. I started hosting activities for my peers about mental health, and through these events, I found Friendship Bench, an organization working on mental health. Through them, I found a community and even more motivation and knowledge that helped me grow. This is my story.

Learn more about Injury/Illness

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5. Siridzai - Full Interview

24:05

5. Siridzai - Full Interview

I felt that I brought great shame on my family and myself when I found myself pregnant outside of marriage. I was a young and aspiring woman headed toward the life I wanted, but now, it all felt lost. My family pushed me away, and I felt even more lonely even though I still lived in their house. I slipped into a severe depression where, in my darkest hours, I was haunted by the notion that I wanted to end the life of both myself and my child. See how I decided to move away from my community and start fresh to create the woman I knew I could be. There, I actively involved myself in the community to the point where I was respected and started working as a health promoter. Learn how this led me to meet Friendship Bench and how I started working there as a counselor (GoGo), allowing me to use my lived experience to help others face their struggle. This helped me feel empowered and helped me further heal my own traumas. This is my story.

4. David - Full Interview

29:38

4. David - Full Interview

No matter what I did, my aunt kept harassing and emotionally abusing me to the point where I felt I had no worth or purpose for living. Growing up, my parents did not have the funds to support my education, so I had to move to my aunt and uncle. For reasons unknown to me, my aunt did not approve and started actively discriminating me and I was treated very differently than my cousins. The emotional abuse ranged from excessive chores to not paying my school fees. I tried to express it to my parents and uncle but in vain, and I felt my loneliness and despair grow by the day to the point where I made my mask my reality. Survival was my only mission to get away. See how I found a way to keep going and how I realized that I had to open up my hardened shell. Learning about mental health and finding words to express my experiences allowed me to lighten the burden and talk about my past. Learn how this allowed me to rebuild my shattered self-worth and, piece by piece, reconnect with my suppressed emotions. Expressing my frustrations and anger towards my aunt's ill-treatment of me allowed me to free myself from the grip of her abuse. I decided to use my background to help others through social work and peer support for others facing adversity. This is my story.

11. Deliwe - Full Interview

26:02

11. Deliwe - Full Interview

I was left a widow after my husband's sudden and abrupt death at a very young age. I was a mother of 4 kids whom I had to raise alone, and I felt that my family and community suddenly pushed me away. The burden of my responsibilities did not allow me to grieve, and I struggled to see how I would survive. See how a pastor helped me accept my situation and find comfort in my faith. I found a support group for widows that allowed me to open up and lighten the burden. I found a mental health organization called Friendship Bench where I learned more about facing depression and grief. After facing my struggles, I felt I could give back and applied to become a “Gogo” (grandmother counselor). Learn how I was accepted and trained to become a counselor and lay health worker, where I used my experiences to help others. This helped me feel useful and complete my healing as well. This is my story.

Learn more about Loneliness

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2. Mike from - Full Interview

14:55

2. Mike from - Full Interview

I felt lost and stupid because all I lived for was more drugs. As a teenager, I slipped into heavy drugs, and my life slowly slipped out of my hands. Before I knew it I had quit school, been pushed away from my family and entangled in the grip of the drug lords. Eventually, crime and addiction were all I knew, and I saw no value in continuing this life of hell. See how an organization called Friendship Bench approached me on the streets and offered me counseling at a moment when I thought the drugs were my everything. Talking to “the grandmothers” through counseling allowed me to find the motivation to live and get clean. I joined the groups they organized, where I learned how to start a small business with peers to build my own life. This is my story.

6. Cloudias - Full Interview

42:40

6. Cloudias - Full Interview

I felt ashamed beyond my imagination and thought I would never get a job, wife, or life again. After years of using marijuana to numb feelings of loneliness and heartbreak, I felt I could not live without it. This led to psychotic episodes, after which I felt I was labeled as “kupenga?” (Crazy in Shona). This spiraled me into suicidal thoughts and depression that haunted my mind to the point where I felt the world would be better off without me. See how being admitted to a psychiatric hospital for my mental health and addiction started my turnaround. One day, I met an organization filming a documentary about mental health and asked if I could be in it. During the process of sharing parts of my story and my dreams with them, combined with the support I found at the hospital, I found hope. Learn how this led me to quit smoking and drinking and find healthier ways to express my emotions. I reconnected with music and reached out to the organization behind the documentary - Friendship Bench, and I asked them for a job. This helped me use my story as a mental health buddy, where I help others face and deal with their struggles in life. This is my story.

Learn more about Substance Abuse

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7. Eveloine - Full Interview

48:34

7. Eveloine - Full Interview

In the middle of my grief over losing my husband, they threatened to take my house and business and I did not know how I could manage. I lost my husband to Meningitis leaving me a widow with kids, a business and properties to manage. There was no time to grieve and I felt I had to suppress my emotions to do what was required to survive. Eventually, the burden of everything, especially missing my loving husband, felt too large to carry and I did not see any point in living. See how I found ways of moving beyond the stigma of suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts to reach out for help for my situation. I found an organization called Friendship Bench that offered free counseling conversations with trained grandmothers. They helped me open up about my burden and supported me in solving the situation I found myself in. Learn how I joined a support group with other people going through life struggles to realize I wasn’t alone. Through the groups, I found support and started helping others using my own story, which made me feel valuable again. This is my story.

3. Shebah - Full Interview

25:32

3. Shebah - Full Interview

Losing my husband and life partner in a sudden illness that took him away from me in just two days completely took away my life's meaning. The grief was overwhelming, and I struggled to accept it for a long time. I struggled to see how I would be able to manage our household alone as a widow. This pulled me down into a state of confusion, overthinking, and enormous emotional distress, where I felt that I lost myself completely. See how I found a peer support group of widows through my church that I could open up to. This helped me realize that I was not alone and allowed me to find a new meaning in life. Together, we supported each other to find good ways to manage our households alone. Through my journey as a community health worker, I found the mental health organization Friendship Bench, where I started working as a “GoGo”-counseling grandmother and could utilize my lived experience to support others. The new knowledge I gained through that journey about mental health allowed me to find an even deeper drive in life to add to my healing. This is my story.

10. Kudakwashe - Full Interview

01:05:33

10. Kudakwashe - Full Interview

The mask I was carrying started feeling heavier by the day, and I did not know how much longer I could carry it. I grew up seeking my father's approval and it only grew stronger the older I got, but his inability to be emotionally present created a hole in me. Losing him took with it the hope of ever being able to heal our relationship, and since I was not there in his passing, I felt there was much unsaid. I drowned my grief and the pressure of having to perform now that I was supposed to be the man of the house in drugs. In the end, I had no hopes or aspirations for my life and I only wanted to escape the immense pain, it being through dying or partying it away. See how I found solace in the least expected place through a peer I had met at summer school. Opening up about my inner struggles to her for the first time released a massive burden from my shoulders. Learn how this sparked a light in me to start taking responsibility for my choices and approval. I delved into learning more about mental health and stigma to help myself dare to break the stereotype of vulnerable men as weak. I grew stronger every time I showed vulnerability and I had not found a passion that I transformed into my new career path. This is my story.

Learn more about Grief/Suicide

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